Message from Stringfellow Hawke
"It has come to my attention that a couple of wannabe hero's have been vying for popularity. I cannot keep silent about this any longer. This stupidity must stop.
The Hoff is a loser with bad hair. His car, Kit turned out to be a cheap Mazda with souped up mags. He may have been cool once, but he lost all credability when he tried to break out on his own by playing, of all things, a lifeguard in a speedo. As for McGyver, he conned millions of impressionable boys into believing that a wad of chappies, some scooby wire and a penknife could hotwire the neighbors car. His mullet set an even worse example, and both of them endorsed those vile tan leather jackets. But the thing that they really falked on was their target audience, which was teenage boys. While these boys were suffering from their delusions of coolness, their female frineds and relatives were sighing over me and my tight uniform, moody looks, sensitive nature, penchant for playing the cello at sunset and my troubled past. I may have been a basket case in real life, but hey, I was smart enough to keep my Airwolf persona intact. And it worked, the networks are reviving my series. So, ladies, drop those zero's and get with the hero."