Rox in the City

Singletons Guide to the Galaxy: A Thrills and Frills Blog

Thursday, July 28, 2005

"Honey, let me just finish this, then I'll take you shopping."

So, why should the rest of them make such a fuss? Because, Perfect Man has learnt how to please a woman. Mere mortals can too, here's how:

- It's tit for tat in this game, you get what you give. Give her something to sigh about, and she'll reciprocate.

- If he hollers, tie him up. An old tie and a can of whipped cream are all you need to make him do whatever you ask.

- If he's still not getting in to the right frame of mind, bring out the whips and cuffs. In extreme cases, a camera works pretty well too.

- If all else fails, girls just give up and accept the poor bugger for being normal, at least he tries. And guys, we all know that Perfect Men generally have non-prefect parts!

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Man Management 101

I have almost solved all my man problems. Not that I have one at the moment, but they still cause problems. In my case, it's usually because I never seem to choose the right one. I used to think that having The Perfect Man was the solution. I now know of course, that this is not possible as no such man exsists. So, on Friday night, I suddenly came up with a better idea. Here it is:

Fashion experts always say that you don't need loads of clothes to dress well, you just need a few items you can mix and match. So, it seems logical that you don't need a perfect man, rather, you need a few men who have one or two perfect traits. In the same way you can mix and match your outfits, you can mix and match your boyfriends. You need one who's hot and good in bed, one that you can party with, one who's clever, and one who's romantic. Date them all simultaneously, and viola: A pefect Man

I still haven't tried this theory out yet, so I can't be sure. Still, it will be fun if nothing else.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

CBD in the City

Cape Blogger Dinner that is. Hosted by Die Emmers, this will be the second in hte Blogger Bash series. This one will be held at Carlyles in Vredehoek, on Thursday 4 August.

Die Emmers team could probably make up a soccer team, there are that many of them, so it's bound to be a good turn out. I will be there, perhaps even in my White Strapless Dress. If that's not reason enough to check it out, consider this: Die Emmers are extremely fond of tequila's and parties, so it will be a real shoo-wow.

Go and RSVP over here.

Update: true to Cape Town form, the dinner is now on Wednesday 3 August. One week away.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Does it matter?

Carrying on with my rating system, there are a few things to consider when hooking up with someone. These points need to be weighed up to see if it is worth the effort of going there.

1. Size? Yes and No. The real issue here is more the motion of the ocean, but obviously the size of the boat is a valid concern.
2. Age? This is hard. One one hand, younger guys are cooler, more fun, have more..stamina, and looks are on their side. But then again, they may not have great jobs, and they don't have much experience. How to choose? If you're looking for fun: toyboy. If you're looking for baggage: older man. Note: guys of the same age or just about often have the worst of both traits.
3. Money? Ok, while I love the idea of presents, I don't care about this much. As long as he's solvent, with an actual job, he's in the game.
4. Looks? Hm, that's easy: dimples - check. That's all it usually takes. I don't have a type, blond, red, brown, whatever.
5. The move? I don't bother with moves. I just like to talk and drink. If he buys me a tequila and makes me laugh, I will oblige.

That done, I generally hit and run. I always somehow end up changing my mind, hell knows why. Perhaps it's because if I score, the game is over. When you play to win, rather than for the love of the game, you don't have anything left after you claim your prize. What do I do? Tough call, I either stop playing, or aim to get to the final level. At least I can have some fun along the way.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Really getting to know you

You know those emails, the one's that you're supposed to send to all your friends, filling in questions like 'what are you listening to right now' or 'what was the last thing you ate' and, god forbid, 'who / what inspires you'. Phuleese! How the hell does that help me know people better? These are the kind of things I end up discussing with random people at the bar, and it doesn't show anything relevant at all. So, i came up with a new list of questions. This list will make you wish you hadn't asked, but trust me, after this you will definatly know your friends. Really, really well.

1. When did you last bath / shower?
2. When was the last time you threw up after too much booze?
3. Who was the last person you shagged, and was it any good?
4. What was the last recreational drug you took?
5. Ribbed, studded or edible?
6. Favourite position?
7. At what age did you pop your cherry?
8. Have you ever tried S&M?
9. Does size matter, and why?
10. How many tequila's can you handle before losing the plot?
11. Have you scored the person the sent this to you?
12. Who is most likely to respond, and how do you rate your chances with them?
13. Have you ever been kicked out of a club / bar / public toilet?
14. Have you ever faked an orgasm?
15. Do you really want to know these things about your friends?

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Penis Envy? I think not!

Sing along to the melody of "I Will Survive"...

(piano intro)

At first I was afraid... I was petrified,
When you said you had 10 inches,
Lord I almost died!
But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long
That I grew strong...
And I knew that I could take you on.

But there you are... another lie,
I was ready for a big mac and you've bought me a Frenchfry!
I should have known that it was bull$hit, just a sadpathetic dream,
Should have known there was no anaconda lurking in those jeans!
Go on now Go...walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only4!
Weren't you a brat to think I wouldn't catch you out!?
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count???!

I will survive! I will survive!
'Cause as long as I have batteries my $ex life is goingto thrive!
I will always have good $ex with a handful of latex!I
will survive! I will survive!
Hey! Hey!

[Verse II]
It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little wiener standing tall and proud!
But to hell with all your egosand to hell with all your needs
Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed!

(Repeat Chorus)

Monday, July 11, 2005

Good Girl with Bad Intentions?

I am a player. This startling discovery came to me after I realised that I have stopped caring if a guy I have scored has called or not, in fact after I have actually forgotten about him altogether. I had to be sure that this was not just my short attention span though, so I came up with a quick test to check my player aptitude. This is how I checked:

1. How many scores have I made this month?
2. Am I keeping track?
3. Do I give out my number to guys and then not know who they are when they call?
4. How long do I stay keen on a guy?
5. Do I have commitment issues?

I did badly. Without elaborating, let's just say I am now in no doubt that I am in fact A Player. But, I don't like that term. I am not a ho, I am not a biatch, and I do have a conscience. I am, therefore, a Good Girl with Bad Intentions. Single? Hell yeah! Desparate? Never.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

It's All Relative and other life lessons

Since my descent into the next three-quarters of my life, I have learnt a number of life truths. The most important lesson to date has been that all problems are relative. However bad things have been, someone else has something worse to worry about. Likewise, someone else has just had their best day ever. Even in my own life this applies; everytime I think things can't get worse / harder / better / weirder, the universe plays its next practical joke to make me realise that It's All Relative.

Here are a couple of lessons in relativity.

Bad: No lemon to put in my Hunters Dry
Worse: No Hunters Dry at all

Bad: Drinking and dialling someone you shouldn't have, and not remembering what you said
Worse: Getting the restraining order the next day, and going through call register

Bad: No action for a few months
Worse: A lousy drunken shag

Bad: Falling out of a stopped taxi
Worse: Falling out of a stopped taxi sober

I can go on for ages, my life is one big lesson. On a positive note, some good things get better.

Good: Discovering blogging
Better: Getting my own blog
Best: Having a deranged fan or two, the status of being mentioned here often (boys, xxx), and
of course, a bit of competition.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

easter eggs explained Posted by Picasa